Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
