Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
