Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
