Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
