I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
