I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
