She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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