drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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