They should really pass out barf bags in church
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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