i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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