I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
