I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
