HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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