Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
