his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
