She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
