He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
