If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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