im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
