my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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