Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize