So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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