The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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