If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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