I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
