I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
