1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
