you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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