if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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