im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize