My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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