This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
