Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
