OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
