life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
