My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
