i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
