We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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