Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize