it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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