Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
