i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
