Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
