kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
