she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
