I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
