Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just google imaged poop.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize