Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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