If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
