I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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