Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
