FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
