Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
