winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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