So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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