Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Houston, we have a blender
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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