There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
