the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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