We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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