Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
