Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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