Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Boobs speak an international language.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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