My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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