I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
