Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
