That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize