You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
