wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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