Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
