I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
