Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
