ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
