worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
