Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
