If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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