yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
