I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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