dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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