Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
