I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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