six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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