I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
