just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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