It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize