I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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