I cannot find my penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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